The four stages of owning a new phone
Don't worry, this is cheaper than actually paying for therapy
Please, come right in, don’t be shy now. Wonderful. Sit yourself down over there. Indeed, on the chaise longue. Stretch out, make yourself comfortable.
So, you’ve done it. You bought yourself a new phone.
Am I right in saying you’re feeling pretty good about it? Have you been reading reviews religiously to find the right model? Or maybe you were just due an upgrade and picked whatever took your fancy?
Of course I can help with that.
You may feel that buying a phone is a regular thing, something people do everyday — and in one sense you’re completely right.
But being “normal” doesn’t mean it’s not psychologically impactful.
It’s normal for people to get into accidents, to struggle, to lose loved ones, and we wouldn’t judge them for getting help. You’re in the right place. I’m a professional, and I’m only here to help.
How, you ask? Well, to talk you through the four emotional stages you’ll go through when buying a new smartphone and to prepare you for what’s to come.
Stage one: Reinvention
Ahh yes. This is the stage you’re currently in, correct? And I bet it feels good.
This stage is a moment of pure potential.
We, as humans, often hold the idea that the only thing we need to achieve transcendence is a single idea, situation, or thing; then, after we have it, we think everything will click together and our lives will be perfect.
The same is true of a new phone. You’ve spent hundreds and hundreds on this device, so it must add a new dimension to your life. Otherwise, what was the point of all that spending?
Yes, you think, this brand new app or feature will enable you to become the person you’ve always dreamed of. You’ll get into shape, you’ll start that project you’ve been dreaming about — you’ll be reinvented.
Stage two: Refreshing
But it rarely goes like that, does it? Once you’ve unpacked your phone and used it for a couple of days, it dawns on you that things are pretty similar to how they were before.
It’s okay though. Deep down you know it is. You may not have found the new app or feature that’ll transform your life, so what? You can accept that. It was silly to think a shiny rectangle would alter everything.
This isn’t a loss — it’s an opportunity.
Switching to a new phone meant it copied your previous device. Your home screen, your apps, your contacts, and your photos are the same as they ever were.
And, by that, I mean a total mess.
A streamlined phone. Sorting out the clutter. Deleting and remodelling. A total refresh. That sounds good, doesn’t it? Tidy house, tidy mind, after all.
Stage three: Recommitting
Shh, it’s okay. There’s a box of tissues next to you. Take your time. It’s tough to think about, I know, I’ve been there myself.
The first two stages of buying a new phone are all about changing, becoming a new person. And this third stage? Well, that’s about being more you.
You’ll tell yourself it’s fine that your attempts at reinventing and refreshing yourself have failed — and it is. You can’t expect a simple gadget to recast you.
What you can do, your subconscious will whisper, is find an anchor to take you back to a happier time, a version of yourself and your emotions you want to recapture.
You could achieve this by recommiting to an old routine, promising that you’ll take more photos, journal every day, or even just download some new games. Whatever it is, you’ll be an archaeologist, rediscovering some long-buried part of you, desperate to see daylight again.
Stage four: Relapsing
A deep breath please. Hold it. Exhale. Another. Slower. Slower. Perfect.
Listen, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with sometimes finding yourself on the sofa for three hours opening and closing the same five apps. Yes, it may be exactly what you were doing beforehand, but at least your phone is quicker and brighter. That’s somethign, right?
It may be hard to hear, but an external object is unlikely to change anything seismic about yourself — that sort of shift needs to come from within. But you shouldn’t beat yourself up.
Really, life is all about… Oh, is it that late already? I’m sorry, we’re out of time. I’ll see you next week.