11 strange sights from Bitcoin Amsterdam

A heady journey into the derangement of a checks notes cryptocurrency conference

Oct 11, 2024

I’m not a crypto guy. In fact, gun to my head, I’d probably categorise myself as the opposite of a crypto guy. Yeah, I think the idea of privacy-focused digital currency is cool, but almost everything else around it gives me the ick.

Still, when I was given a ticket to check out Bitcoin Amsterdam, I couldn’t just turn it down. It’s like when you shell out for a buffet: it’d be ridiculous to get a single plate, you have to gobble up at least a dozen.

Considering I’d never been to any sort of cryptocurrency-focused event before, I decided to be a low-budget, Buzzfeed version of Werner Herzog; trying to uncover the unbalanced side of humanity, but through the lens of the humble listicle.

Here it is, my journey, in pog form.

Bitcoin Amsterdam obviously didn’t think too deeply about the art promoting the event

Putting glowing eyes over paintings by the Dutch masters gives off an eviller vibe than a cryptocurrency event should want.

None of the prices at the event were actually in Bitcoin

Yup, everything for sale was listed in Euros. Understandable for, you know, life, but maybe less on brand than devotees would want.

And you couldn’t really pay in Bitcoin anywhere at an event called Bitcoin Amsterdam

Bitcoin Lightning was an option, but, despite what crypto fans tell me, I don’t think that counts as actually Bitcoin.

Although this Bitcoin Lightning beer dispenser was pretty cool

You scan a QR code with your Bitcoin Lightning wallet and then it’ll spaff out sweet, sweet beer.

While we’re talking about pricing, I do wonder how many people will buy that €2,100 first issue of Bitcoin Magazine

Also wonder how much the second issue costs. Is it a sliding scale?

It wasn’t all about money though: this artist was painting Pepe portraits of people for free

Strange to have that much talent and channelling it into Pepe portraits, but it’s a wide, weird world out there.

Alas, people were pretty money-focused at Bitcoin Amsterdam

Is it a surprise? Of course not, but this stand promising to help the public avoid as much tax as possible sure gave me some… feelings.

And matters weren’t helped by the fact Russell Brand was promoting them

Surely, *surely* there’s a better choice than Brand.

In the least surprising statement ever, attendees of Bitcoin Amsterdam seemed to be about 95% men

[Insert low effort “Bitcoin, more like DICKcoin” joke right here]

Yet… there were less dreadlocks than I expected

I truly, honestly believed Bitcoin Amsterdam would be a hotbed of white dudes with dreads, but there were only a handful. For shame.

There were a lot of vapes though, so it balances out in the end.

In some positive news, this fella had an animated backpack that also played adverts

10/10, would buy.

Thanks, Bitcoin Amsterdam

It was an experience. Plus, I typed the word “Bitcoin” more than I ever thought I would do on The Rectangle. So that’s something.