Punching phone addiction in the face

"It'll work this time, I swear"

My phone slipped on a striped t-shirt, tied on an eye mask, and is now holding a big sack with “SWAG” written on it; because that motherfucker has robbed my attention span.

The first thing I do when I wake up? The ol’ app switcheroo; starting on Twitter, I cycle through my email accounts, Instagram, TikTok, and Reddit, before circling back around and doing it all again, brother.

If left unattended, I repeat this pattern every spare moment until, buzzing and exhausted, I fall back into a fitful sleep.

And, recently, that’s precisely what I’ve been doing.

This is as good as anything Banksy has ever done.

Let’s be honest here, phone addiction isn’t a new issue.

I’ve tried all sorts of things over the years to combat it, from removing social media apps from my home screen to subscribing to news apps with the goal of giving my need for constant stimulation some value.

Yet as surely as the sun rises and Gwyneth Paltrow says something cringe, I’m back on my old bullshit in a moment’s notice.

But, this time, I have a plan that works, one that’s going to completely upend my addiction — and it may just work for you… if you send me five low payments of €99.99.

I’d advise scrolling past this image as quickly as possible.

All paid up? Great! Here’s the secret: don’t engage with your phone two hours either side of waking or sleeping.

Admittedly, it’s not quantum physics, but it works surprisingly well, making me feel far more in control.

I was inspired after coming across Andrew Huberman’s work on the optimal morning routine.

In the video, Huberman — a neuroscientist and professor at Stanford — suggests a totally reasonable array of morning habits to adopt that I’m nowhere near disciplined enough to fully implement into my life. 

But one thing that did stick with me from this and his other work were his comments on dopamine release.

In terms so basic they’d get removed from a children’s book for being condescending, by using your phone first thing in the morning, you create an artificial rush of chemicals in your brain that then becomes the baseline for that day. 

Waking up and immediately looking at your phone means you’re constantly hungry for the immediate satisfaction the device provides. But — by delaying that gratification — your brain has a chance to wake up naturally, improving your drive and focus.

And it works.

Not bookending my day with a couple of hours of mindless scroll time feels a bit like meditation: I’m calmer, have a better attention span, and sleep sounder.

Of course I’m not perfect. Some days (especially if I’m hungover), I’ll grab my phone super early, but that’s fine. Redefining your relationship with a device is a journey, not a single goal.

Well, that’s what I tell myself. Because, undoubtedly, I’ll totally forget about this in a month and fall back into my regular habits; but what a month that’s gonna be.