EUROS FEVER
I'm burning up
I’m fistpumping and howling and kicking and loud rock music blares and my shirt is long long gone and I’m covered in a light film of sweat. That’s right: it’s the Euros.
For four glorious weeks Europe’s best football teams are footballing it up with the hope of being crowned footballiest of all. And that means there’s no better time to sit back and… appreciate.
Yes, friends, today is a hallowed day, we’re doing an Isn’t Technology Cool™ edition of The Rectangle. It’s time, at long last, for a sprinkle of positivity.
To begin with? I want to shower some respect on IPTV and VPNs.
I’ve been living in the Netherlands for about 6 years now and love being here, but there’s one thing it’s clearly not good at: having English commentary on Dutch football broadcasts. Shocking, I know. I can hardly believe it myself.
I can deal with the Dutch commentary (thanks Duolingo), but a tournament like the Euros has so much nostalgia value that I want to hear familiar voices and see familiar faces. True, I might dislike most of those faces and voices, but it’s like a school reunion: there’s comfort in knowing some people continue to suck despite the passing years.
And that’s where IPTV and VPNs come in. These allow me to watch BBC and ITV coverage from abroad, just as is my right.
Secondly? I want to shout out streaming apps and 5G.
Even though I’m a freelancer and can make my own schedule, the unfortunate truth is I can’t spend all the hours between 3pm and 11pm sat on the sofa and watching football. Sometimes, I need to be out ‘seeing’ ‘people’ and ‘trying’ to make some ‘money’ so I can ‘eat’ and pay ‘rent.’
The explosion of 5G mobile coverage and the wide availability of streaming apps means I can catch that all important Romania vs. Ukraine fixture no matter where I am, what I’m up to, or who I’m with. This is what serenity must feel like.
And finally? It’s the media. All that sweet, sweet media.
Because the world is run by sickos, the Euros aren’t on 24 hours a day. On the surface, this is a rather sticky issue, but, once again, technology has the answer: an endless array of content.
“Content, Callum, really?” I hear you say.
Yes, it’s a terrible word, but it’s also the easiest way to sum up the raft of memes, social media posts, YouTube videos, WhatsApp groups, and podcasts. No more does my mind have to dwell on the litany of mistakes I’ve made in my sad life, instead I can drown my thoughts with People’s Shit Opinions on the Very Good Game I’ve just watched.
It’s basically a digital football bath. But not a comforting bath, more like one of those ones they use to get fleas and diseases off livestock.
And when the moment comes when I’m tempted to point out the negatives of the above? To wear my baseball cap backwards, cross my arms, and get real? This week, we can avoid most of that.
I could point out that digital distribution is worse environmentally than analogue, that social media enables hate and abuse to be levelled at people, that football is effectively a meaningless distraction from more important issues, but really? Today? During the Euros? In this weather? At this longitude? With all this great football? Ruining all these good vibes?
Come on, grow up. There are better things to do than that.
There’s enough negativity out there already. Sometimes we just have to sit back, appreciate what tech has given us, and soak up the good times.
Unless England are playing, of course.