Boy mathing my way to a new TV

A valiant attempt to spend a lot of money

I’ve been overcome with an undeniable urge: I must upgrade my TV.

I don’t know precisely what trigged this, but for the past few days I’ve been obsessed. A new television is now a staple of my dreams.

What I’ve been grappling with is whether this is an appropriate time to buy. When are you meant to upgrade a TV? Is it time for me? And can I use the magic of Boy Math™ to help out?

You’re so close to witnessing something like this.

Strangely, I’ve never had to make this decision before. The two TVs I owned before my current machine were hand-me-downs, and they both broke before they needed replacing.

When this happened most recently I got lucky: it gave up the ghost during 2018’s Black Friday.

This meant I got a good deal on a 4K TV from Philips. It cost me about €450, and I’ve been generally happy with it.

Generally.

Thing is, I’m a quality hound. Within reason, I buy the best gear I can afford because, over time, they tend to deliver better value. A better phone or computer, for example, not only lasts longer, but also gives me a better daily experience.

Ideally, I would’ve purchased a premium TV, but I just didn’t have the money at the time I bought the Philips. And, as it was Black Friday, I had to act quickly. There was no time to save.

That decision still haunts me.

This is a very literal interpretation.

Here’s the crux then: Why, when I already have a functional TV, do I need a new one?

Well, because the model I’m pining over — the Samsung QN90C — is better. A lot better.

Television tech has advanced a lot in the past five years, and that’s especially true when you’re moving from a mid-range unit to a premium one.

Whether it’s the QLED display, anti-glare, number of HDMI ports, frame rate, HDR quality, or build quality, I’m ready for an upgrade.

I want it. I need it.

This is a bit of tech I use most days. I love movies, shows, and gaming — and a higher quality TV could improve my experience of them all.

So what’s stopping me?

Well, it’s tough out there for freelancers currently. Plus, the festive season is never cheap.

Thankfully though, there’s something that can help me navigate this minefield: Boy Math™.

BOY MATH™!

So, at the time of writing, the cheapest I can find my desired TV for is €1,279.

Ideally, I’d like to keep it for a decade, but that sounds like wishful thinking. Instead, I’m going to split the difference and say I’ll keep it for seven years.

That works out at 2,555 days.

As I’m a household of two people, let’s assume the TV is being used by one of us on 85% of those dates. That means it’ll be in use for about 2,172 days.

According to data from 2001, people tend to stream visual media for roughly three hours a day.

That means we’ll be getting at least 6,515 hours of use out of the machine. The real figure could well be higher when you include hazy hangover days.

That works out to merely €0.196 per hour. What cool shit can you get for 20 cents? Absolutely nothing, that’s what — unless it’s this TV.

Captured footage of me during this process.

But there’s more. What we described there is just the cost over time.

What if this new TV actually changes my behaviour? Maybe we don’t go to the pub as much to watch sports? Or invite more people over for movie nights? Stay in and cook, rather than going out to eat?

Now, I can’t be bothered to accurately map out these figures (I’m too busy daydreaming about a new TV), but I can confidently state that this is worth at least €50,000 over seven years.

In other words, buying this TV I’ll be actually making money. Like, a lot money. Life-changing cash.

Hell, this television isn’t just a purchase for my enjoyment, it’s an investment. I’m paying for my future.

Now will someone please send this to my partner?